just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
