Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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