Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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