Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
