remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
