We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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