I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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