Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
