My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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