I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
