I wish I could punch you in the face.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
