My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
