We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
