I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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