A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
