Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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