why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
