Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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