I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
