living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
