since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
