Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
