I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
