I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
