i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
