we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
