its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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