either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
