omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
