I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
