I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
