I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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