Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
