Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
