the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
