my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
