Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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