So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
