I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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