You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have demons in me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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