He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
