A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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