I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
