Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
