All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
