this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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