there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
