Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
