Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
