Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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