what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
