She said her name was "party"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
