She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
