Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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